A Drainer…..Everyone has one. And No, I don’t mean a drain from a sink.
A Drainer is a man or woman that you are completely infatuated with (illusion of love) who drains you of the confident person you used to be and leaves you completely hopeless for them. I was talking to a friend of mine, who is going through some heart break and as I sit there trying to give her advice, I can’t help but flashback to my own experience where the tables were completely turned.
Everyone experiences this type of heartbreak at least once in their life. Its kinda like puppy love… when you are in middle school or high school and you have a crush on someone and you think they are your soul mate. Of course when you get a little older, you look back knowing that nope, “I was just young and naive.” Why do we think this is any different during college and after? Do we assume that we are older and have experienced love and heartache so we know the the difference? Well guess what…. it doesn’t quite work that way.
First off- you can’t help you you fall for or are attracted to…. its hormonal. Just because you find someone attractive or intriguing does not mean they are a good match for you. But as women tend to be illogical when trying to justify their emotions (yes- I was guilty of this too once) they simply block out and lose all common sense when it comes to the relationship they find they want to be in. You lose a little part of yourself, you lose your sense of patience and the confidence you once had. Most importantly you start to lose your self worth…. allowing this drainer person (who does not want to be with you) to drain you emotionally and exhaust you mentally.
Lets look back at how you first met. He probably chased you or showed some interest, and after a few encounters POOF! he no longer seemed interested. “But how can this be!” you tell yourself! “rejection?!?!? I don’t think so!” This becomes your favorite new challenge to overcome. You change your appearance to what he likes, start liking the same music he does, all of a sudden find yourself hanging out at the same places and hanging with the same people… “Wow, what a coincidence!” is NOT what is going through his head…. more like “OH gosh! This chick won’t go away!”… but of course you don’t see it that way. You justify your actions by all the nice things he did for you. Like the text message where he called you ‘babe’ or when he gave you a ride to work, or when he bought your lunch, or when you guys kissed after a long night of drinking etc…. These are the little things you hang onto dearly. Did it ever cross your mind that he was just being polite? That he wanted to be your friend? That he was drunk and didn’t realize what he was doing? (Of course this crossed your mind- but you won’t listen because you are “following your heart”……Gosh what Bullshit!)
While many other situations go far more in depth, for example- you date for months or years but he refuses to commit…. Or you enter a relationship and he ends it because its not working…. Guess what??? They all pretty much end the same. With someone’s heart broken.
That’s when he becomes the Drainer and you??? The Sponge…. The one that soaks in everything and over analyzes every step.
<Insert: If only I could go back, I would change…..>
Ever heard of Sir Isaac Newton? He stated that Energy is transferred, not lost. In relationships, if someone is upset or hurting or in a negative place, they tend to place their energy on the parties they associate with. So for example, if you are upset… you need to be around positive people so that you can soak up their energy and put yourself in a good place. What this means to all of you Sponges out there… is maintain Military Silence with the Drainer. This is the ONLY way to regain your positive energy thus regaining a piece of yourself every day. Just remember this: The Transference of Energy from one Party to the next.
Surround yourself by a positive support system. Occupy yourself by new experiences and things that do not remind you of the Drainer. The Drainer was simply placed in your life for one thing…… it was an experience that you needed to have in order to appreciate the person you were meant to love. Once you meet this new love, you will see the Drainer for what he really was….. simply an ex relationship that needed to be had in order for you to know your true worth for the right man.
I dedicate this to my crazy friend that is worth WAY too much to let a man bring her down. You know who you are. I love you!